Is your need for control, making your anxiety worse?

I realised something quite profound as I was driving home from work this week. I was bumping over one particularly bad stretch of pot holes, gripping the steering wheel tightly, shoulders hunched, expecting the worst (we've lost 4 tyres due to potholes in the last year), when suddenly it dawned on me; perhaps if I stop holding on so tightly, the inevitable bumpy ride won't feel quite so terrifying.

And so as I unclenched my fingers and my jaw, as I relaxed my shoulders and let out my held breath, sure enough I trundled over the potholes without feeling every tiny nook and cranny, without fearing the worst -  imagining the bang of another tyre popping.

In other words, I just experienced the potholes exactly as they were rather than an exaggerated, version of them.

And this is true of all of life’s challenges.

When we hold on too tightly, try to control everything around us believing that it’s the best way to manage things, we actually just end up struggling more. We feel everything more intensely; horrifying world events, our family's struggles, work stress etc

So if you're feeling stressed, overwhelmed or anxious, try this journal question.

Where are you trying to control things and how might you let go a little?

So take a moment to close your eyes, relax your body and your mind, and ask yourself the question. Listen and make a note of what comes up for you. You can do this on a weekly or even daily basis, or just whenever you notice pockets of stress in your day. Ask, "Where am I trying to control things, and how might I let go a little?"

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